Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
