I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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