Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
