just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
