Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
