I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize