dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
These tits shall not be calmed
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
