I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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