Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
