Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
