Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
