I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
