I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
