need another drink. this is the easiest way
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
