The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
