Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
