Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
