I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I could fuck to npr.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
