he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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