how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize