Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
