Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
false alarm, still single
Randomize
