they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So squirting runs in the family.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
