Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
