Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
