Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
