Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
should my penis look like a turkey
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
