Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
