Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
