Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
