If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
