He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
