I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
