you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
