i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
