He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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