I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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