Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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