hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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