but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
