Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
