My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
