God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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