After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
