wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
