you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
How's work?
Spinning.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize