Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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