Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
