Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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