see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
