Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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