Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
