when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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