They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize