If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
