U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it's great music for shaving your balls
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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