The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
