do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
