I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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