he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
