matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
