oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
